What to do when you want to strangle the little monsters...

Alright, not as bad as all of that, but pretty much I've had it with Thing 2! I sometimes lose focus that it will get better. I sometimes lose focus that parenthood is hard work and that means sometimes you have to work hard.

Yesterday was one of those days. I do my parental duty and send them off to school with lunch money in hand. I'm thinking I'm doing great because I usually forget the lunch money at the beginning of the month. And not only did they have lunch money, I was dressed and ready to go workout. I was Super Mom...for one, brief, moment...in my imagination. The problem started when I went looking for the van keys. Looked in all the usual places starting with where they belonged working my way down to where they usually are. When no keys miraculously appeared, I thought about the last time I saw them. Ah ha! Hubby was the last one to drive the van...he must have lost them!

I search his coat and pants pockets. I look in the van (which is unlocked). Still no keys. I call him and ask if he saw them or perhaps put them in his computer bag...no such luck. But he was kind enough to drive home and bring me the extra van key so that I could make my chiro appointment and go shopping with my SIL (my workout was missed, but will be made up at a later date).

Then my SIL mentioned that Thing 2 went in the van to grab his sweatshirt (which is supposed to be taken out every time we come home, but that's a whole other story) to be dark for Halloween so he probably had the keys last. Back to searching, but this time thinking like a middle school boy. No luck, although I did take the time to open his window and air out his room. We figure we'll have to wait until he comes home from school to begin the inquisition, I mean questioning, so we continue with our plans.

Fast forward a few hours. Thing 2 arrives home from school and I ask him if he's seen the van keys. He immediately walks outside. I think great, he put them on the grill or the bench or the table, but no, he comes back inside and says, "I put them on the hood of Daddy's car." Really?!?!?! I'm thinking, the car that he's driven to work and back and then back to work again?!?!

Images of cartoon characters strangling their children flash in my mind, but I'm smart enough to know that my kids wouldn't bounce back quite the same so I take the high road and view it as an opportunity for a lesson in responsibility and maturity since just that morning he was peeved that I said he wasn't mature enough to have a digital camera.

I call Hubby to apprise him of the situation and he said, "Oh, that's what that noise was." Apparently on his way to work he heard something a lot heavier than the leaves fly off his vehicle. He gives me the general area he heard the noise, I round up Thing 2 (who at this point digs himself in further and mentions that I have keys so what's the big deal) and we take off in the pouring rain and wind to walk the busy highway to look for the van keys. After becoming drenched, we have found no keys and I'm fuming as he didn't even really help look, just acted like it was a leisurely stroll in the rain. Mistakes happen, but the fact that this child of mine is showing no remorse, no guilt, no anything is turning my face into the color of a ripe tomato.

We come home and I send him off to do his chores and homework. When Hubby arrives, we go back out and search a different area of the road. Still nothing. When we get back, Thing 2 is in his room because he doesn't like what's for dinner so he claims he had a big lunch and isn't hungry. Did I mention he's currently getting 2 C's in school? Anyway, in an effort to calm my furious brain, the wonderful man that Hubby is, explains that the child's brain is being taken over by hormonal aliens (my paraphrase, he was much more scientific about it, it just helps me to visualize my children are possessed rather than willingly behaving in such a manner) and he then changed the lock on the front door just to make me feel better. It helped, but I was still upset. This child is like Spirit the horse x 2! And I'm going to be the one to break him. And I will, but Hubby and I realized I wasn't in the right frame of mind at the moment to undertake this monumental task.

We're trying to decide what punishment should befall the losing of the keys. It's like a battle strategy. We currently have 3 battles going...the fight over food, the fight over grades, and the fight over owning up to your mistakes and saying sorry because in Thing 2's world everything is everyone else's fault.

Today with the battle strategy firmly in my head, I am ready to meet Thing 2 head on. I'm calm, confident and I'm going to win the war over the hormonal child. He will grow up to be respectful, kind and a productive member of society. So, 1st thing this morning before he could have anything else, he ate 2 bites of last night's dinner. Score 1 for Mommy! He's in for a long haul. I'm way more stubborn and I have the advantage of a battle plan! Well, at least with all this practice, I'll be a seasoned General in the hormone, pre-teen war when the next 2 hit it hard. :o)