The Voices in My Head

Anyone else experience voices in their head? Or play pretend even though you're a grown adult?

I do. I have good voices and bad voices. I get to choose who to listen to. Most of the time I try to listen to the good ones. It's a little easier on everyone around. Sometimes the bad ones are louder and more obnoxious (they are bad after all). I will literally have arguments in my head with my justification voices. The ones that say,"One time won't hurt." It could be any number of things. Anyway, lest you think I'm not crazy enough let's add the pretending factor in.

Sometimes I will pretend I'm someone else to get through the chores and other stuff I have to do in a day. For housework, I'm often the manager of a bed and breakfast or fancy hotel. I will have conversations with pretend customers and solve their pretend problems all while making sure the hotel is in tip top shape. For getting into shape, I pretend I'm a dancer in training to be on stage and have to work really hard to meet my goals. Sometimes, I'm a spy living as a housewife for cover purposes. Am I the only one out there who does this? Maybe I AM crazy!

Oh, well. I guess if it helps me get in shape, clean the house and cope with the every day tasks, it can't be too bad. I realize I'm pretending, so I'm not delusional. But I often wonder if it's a sign that I'm dissatisfied with my life or I need more of a challenge. Maybe I'll never figure it out.

If you see me talking to myself in my dark sunglasses and pink tutu toting a briefcase, just pretend you never saw me!

"Mommy, can you wipe my poo-poo?"

There it is...did you hear it? That knock, knock, knock on my bedroom door. Shh, there it is again.

"Who is it?" I ask (although I already know the answer 99% of the time).

"It's me, can I come in?" asks the preschooler.

"What do you need?" I ask, wishing that my bedroom could be some sort of sanctuary where I could hide and "they" couldn't find me.

"I need to go potty." comes Thing 4's answer.

"Alright, come in." I say, knowing that should an accident occur, whatever hope I had for peace will take that much longer to obtain because of the mess I'd have to clean up.

Now, I'm not sure why it must be my bathroom. I guess it's because it is in close proximity to me, the butt wiper, because two minutes later after listening to the grunts and groans of pushing I hear, "Mommy, can you wipe my poo-poo?"

I view this as an opportunity for a lesson in the English language. "Honey, I'm not going to wipe your poo-poo, that would be gross. I will, however, wipe your bum and make sure you're all cleaned up." (I know, not really much less gross, but it is something.)

It doesn't matter, this episode plays out several times a day (who knew such a little butt could produce so much poo!) and it's ALWAYS the same question, "Mommy, can you wipe my poo-poo?"

I suppose this is one of those moments that I'll look back on and reminisce with misty eyes when they're all grown up. I most certainly can't use it on a resume should I ever attempt to join the workforce later.

Job Title: Butt Wiper
Job Description: Wiping poo-poo off of butts. Anyone can be an Ass Kisser, but it takes someone special to be a Butt Wiper!

Nope, don't see that as a plan for success.

Mom Thought - Epitome of Multi-Tasking

As I try to get this blog back up and running, I'm fielding questions from Thing 4, like, "Please can we read this book?", "Is Santa coming in December?", "Here's a letter for him." "Are the kids almost home?", "Hey, Mommy look at this!", "Mommy, why is my finger white?" and it keeps going, on and on and on and on.

I'm playing online games, mentally preparing myself for the invasion of Thing 2 and Thing 3 coming home and therefore the routine of emptying backpacks, hanging up jackets, snacks, homework, chores. Then Thing 1 comes home and the snack/homework/chore thing happens again. Then I'll add in getting dinner going, all the while I'm checking the homework/chores, still playing my online games (need an escape, right?), still answering the endless stream of questions from Thing 4 (I wonder if she'll ever know that it's not normal for a 60 second delay between question and answer?) hoping I don't give her permission to burn the house down or something else just as drastic and dangerous as I'm only giving her a small amount of my attention.

I believe that womanfolk in general have a great ability to multi-task. If my husband is any example, men in general lack this ability (evidenced by the fact that he at one time did give permission for a small child to play with a sharp knife!). But I also think that there is a cost associated with this ability. While I'm in multi-task mode, no one or nothing gets my undivided attention. This can lead to mistakes being made, feelings being hurt, miscommunications, etc. I think it would be better to do less multi-tasking and give everyone and everything the attention it deserves. Maybe that means that I play less online games (or only play them when everyone else is otherwise occupied). Maybe it means making a schedule where I know what the priority of the day is at any given time. I'm open to suggestions on how to do less multi-tasking and relieving some stress!

I think that by slowing down, it benefits everyone. Kids feel special because they know they have my full attention. Projects get finished because they've had my full attention. I'm pretty sure it would be impossible to eliminate multi-tasking altogether, but I think I can make improvements. I don't need to be Super Mom able to do everything without ever getting a hair out of place, never saying no to anyone, always perfect in appearance and attitude...it's not going to happen even if I wanted it to.

I'm going to make it a goal to seek out ways to lessen my multi-tasking. Who's with me? I'm pretty sure the world won't come to a crashing halt if we all slow down a bit...I mean, just think of all the houses we can save by listening to the preschooler and not giving them permission to burn it down!